I'm not entirely sure what it is about livejournal, or blogging in general that enthralls me. I peruse several of the same journals on a regular, if not daily, basis, and I'm always moved. Intrigued. Curious.

I suppose it might the idea of peering into someone's mind and glimpsing, even for a moment, what they are doing or thinking. And yet, when I peruse my own journal I don't get a sense of self. I write in simple words on here, and never put too much emotion into any of the entries. I had hopes of making this journal something more. Something special. Something I would want to visit on a regular basis. And yet it's not.

I find my life utterly boring most days, and the notion of writing any of the occurences down seems benign. I read a lot. My Mom is, honestly, one of my best friends, and I'm a home body. I start things I never finish, my room is ALWAYS a fucking mess, and I enjoy playing computer or console video games. I aspire to taking photographs, scanning my millions of sketches and sharing them.

And yet.

And yet I never get around to it. I do nothing all day and yet time flies by and i still try to take time to fit important things in. And fail.

It's an odd feeling, this sharing thoughts with comlpete strangers. I suppose of I had more people visit this journal it would maybe make it feel different. But I don't. I have a few, a good few, who are kind enough to read and comment, and for that I am thankful.

And yet, even as I write this, I know i will again, sometime soon, log on and make another inane post about something irrelevant. I could be wise and say it's cathartic, but it's not. I enjoy this little community of people. Even if most don't know I read their journals, or wouldn't even care that I take the time to comment, I still am drawn in.

And so, I suppose I will need to give this some effort or keep my thoughts and words to myself. I will try.

I've just handed in my first lesson for the Graphic Design distance program I'm doing. The next 6 weeks (or however quickly I take finishing everything) deals with Intro to Photoshop! I know the very VERY basics, as I've been playing around with it for several years now, but there are still things I have never tried, or given a chance outside my comfort zone.

So, the first assignment was all about the selection tools, and recolouring Taxi cubs. Went smoothly, and I think i did pretty well, so i guess we shall see. It took a while, actually, as I'm a bit of a perfectionist and want to start of the course with a good grade (hopefully!).

In other news, I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously.
I was starting to worry, and I have extensive employment history and skills and no one was calling. I was getting really pathetic, actually, but I've got a decent job and start on tuesday. It's full-time as well, with amazing benefits and decent pay and it's a close drive from home. Now I have to start saving and paying off debt so I can move out within the next year. I'm determined, so I'll just scrimp in every other way I can.

On the ntoe of scrimping, I got a nice bit of money from my Dad for my birthday, and just bought myself a 23" computer screen. I seriously orgasm everytime I use it! It's huge and takes up almost my whole desk and was worth every penny. Though, to be honest, I got it at Costco so I got an amazing deal. I'm a bit of WoW whore, and now the screen is so big it's mouth watering. PLUS it helps with making graphics and everything school-related so it wasn't just an impulse buy.

Feeling good for the first time in a long time, and hope it continues!

Does anyone who reads this (all one of you, haha) know how to make a sticky post? Like have a topic at the top of the journal that stays there even with updates? I want to start running a topic on books I've read, or books I want to read this year, and then scratch them off as I go.

If anyone knows how, or a code or something to attain this, let me know!
Thanks in advance!

Skye, one of my two dogs, had her eye removed on tuesday afternoon. We've been fighting some crazy kind of eye infection that either turned into, or was cataracts all along. She's been to the vet more times that I can remember, and upon a second opinion, we were told that it had to be removed. the sight was lost. My poor girl!

We were giving her 6 eye drops three times a day for several weeks, and the first vet thought it was because of some infection. But her eye would raise in pressure and she would be in visibly excruciating pain sometimes. Dogs have a WAY higher threshold than humans, so the fact she was showing her pain wasn't a good sign. Then, the second vet said the sight was gone, it wasn't an infection but was cataracts. And now, apparently, her other eye might be prone to it! Ugh, and our other dog, Ginger, is from the same litter; we've sent off the eye to Saskatoon to Canada's leading canine eye specialist who is going to run tests to see if it is a hereditary/genetic thing. If it is, both dogs might lose both eyes.

I've never had my heart broken before, and this has done it. For two days now I will sporadically and for NO reason just start crying. She came out after surgery and it looks horrible! They don't really warn you, and I don't know exactly what I thought it was going to look like...but...sigh. It's shaved and stitched shut and looks like some B-horror movie taxidermy animal. However, I am happy to say she's happier now than before the surgery. Just goes to show how fucking bad that eye must have hurt her! The day after surgery and her tail was wagging, and she was cuddling more and just seemed happier.

My heart is broken whenever I see her. She's my girl, and nothing has ever happened to our pets before. Death, of course, but to our older dogs. Skye and Ginger just turned four in April.

I've never felt this way before.
:(

I am finally (almost) recovered! Or, as good as can be expected for right now. I'm eating food now, though it hurts during the swallowing process and afterwards, but food is going down with minimal effort. I do choke usually, so must always have a glass of water readily available to help ease the travels of my chewed food. HOWEVER, I'm eating, and not taking any more Tylenol 3's, which is wonderful. And am down to VERY little extra strength tylenol, and only when completely necessary.

There are SOOOO many things that people don't tell you about a Tonsilectomy. They lie. My uvula is huge and freakishly long and swollen and I tended to gag on it for the first two weeks. The whole back of my throat is covered in scabs and the flaking away process hurts randomly for whole days.

Probably the worst....I HAVE NO TASTE BUDS!!!!! Anything remotely sweet tastes metallic and bitter...like rotting pennies maybe? It's horrible! Salty things aren't too bad, but everything is bland and kind bitter tasting. I'm pissed! From what I've read on-line it can take up to 4 months to get your taste buds back, and you know what? That's some huge fucking bullshit. No one told me about this.

On a different note, I'm healed enough now to continue on with life. I've been accepted into a Distance Ed diplmoa course in Graphic Design. YAY! I finally have decided that I want to work in an art related field, I've been making graphics for fun and designing websites for the last 4-10 years. I had an embrassingly large obsession with HP RPG's before they became popular...the official HP WB site linked my first RPG site. Yup, super cool but SUPER dorky, hehe.

Anyways, classes start in September and I'm really excited about it. I want to get a website up and actually start making a portfolio of work.

And now, I must start looking for a job. Since I'll be doing school, I'm okay with a part-time job even. And the bookstore where I used to work when I was younger is hiring. My BFF works there still...but it's minimum wage. BUT it's also mindless and I know everything...so it's a possibility.

I guess we'll see?!

The tonsils have been removed, and it has now been SIX days or intense pain. And, no, I'm not exaggerating. Seriously, I want to cry. I'm at about a 6.5/10 today and I still am not able to eat much solids and gobbling down Tylenol 3's like they were candy and am quick running out of the pills and the bitch nurse said she wouldn't give a refil. SERIOUSLY? WTF not?

Anyways, I'm due for a check up on Wednesday. There are revolting white scabs all across the back of my throat, I can't breath out on my nose when lying on my back, so my hips hurt from sleeping on my sides...and I'm starving. And the T3's have a horrible side effect on my tummy :( Though, eating nothing sold might be the cause for that as well.

I digress.

I am alive, still unwell, buth opefully will be getting better everyday.

I'm going in for surgery on Monday (like I've said a million times) and I'm nervous and freaking out in a subtle almost depressed kind of way. So, I thought I would take a few moments and post something fun on here. I'm determined to keep up activity on here, even though only about five people in the world read this...and I LOVE you all!

So, here is a list of several things I am currently obsessed with, or just love dearly.

( You know you're curious )

I am going to Hp tonight with my family...woot! It's my (new) sister-in-laws birthday and that's what she wants to go and do tonight. Except that everytime we've gone to see it in the pst, she's left during the scary scenes, so I have NO clue how she is going to survive this movie, haha.

Have any of you seen it? I am so amazingly excited I can hardly stand it.

Like I said, I have nothing but time on my hands. And the libraries are all closed today. While I should be cleaning my room, unpacking still from Vancouver (don't judge), I'm not. I've been scouring Amazon to pick out some books I am interested in; be them new or upcoming releases or older ones I have yet to read.

If interested...
( Come this way... )

So, you know when you finally get time to yourself where you don't have to work, and you can relax and really enjoy the summer? Well, I have that and I am NOT enjoying it. Sure, some of you are probably flipping me off right now, jealous of my time off...but it blows. I think maybe if I wasn't such a procrastinator I would be happy, and actually try to accomplish some things. But I'm not.

With the weddings over, I'm just sitting around now and waiting for my surgery. It's like a date looming in the back of my mind that I can't really get over. And it's dumb, I know, and not even a very important surgery, but it doesn't really matter. I'm still going under, and last time I went under there was a weird reaction with anesthetic when I came to...it's just scary is all.

A plus side, that I'm trying to remind myself of, atleast, is that all I get to eat is popsicles, so I'll probably drop a fair bit of weight. Seriously, THAT'S what is keeping me going. And eatching endless TV on DVD's that my friends are lending me.

All I have now is time, and I have NO motivation to use it in any kind of positive or useful way. I've been wanting to go to the library for a week now and I haven't. It's really quite pitiful, isn't it? And I know I sound like an ass...but that's just how I feel.

Like I'm stuck.

So, all I've had lately is time on my hands. Time to think and ponder on what the fuck I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm turning 25 this August and I still have NO clue what the future holds for me. I headed out to Vancouver, knowing Jewellery design was it for me. Now I've returned after leaving the program early and I still have no idea what to do with myself.

If nothing else, though, I've decided I need to work in some kind of art related field. I don't know what field, just yet, but I can't imagine living my life without art of some kind having a daily presense.

I just wish I were like SOOOO many other people out there who grew up knowing exactly what they wanted to do. But I'm not, and now i have to somehow accept that as truth and move on.

So, like I said before, I was in Japan for 12 days for my brother's wedding there. We spent most of the time in and around Tokyo, and then went to Kyoto for about 4 days. So, understandably, I have about 300 pictures on my digital and still about four rolls of film to develop from my SLR and my new TLR that I bought over in Japan.

So, anyways, I've been playing around with several of them and tweaking colour and everything to get some soft and pretty looking images. I hate regular digital cameras and the picture quality they have, but until I can afford a nice digital SLR, well, I crop and tweak as much as I can.

Take a peek.




( I really think so... )

So, a HUGE amount has happened in a semi-short amount of time. I've moved back home to Winnipeg, and am once again living with my mom. It's okay so far, but I fear as the time goes on and I end up spending more time here, I will soon regret my decision. However, for the time being, things have been so busy that I haven't even had a chance to decide how I'm feeling.

One June 11th my mom and I flew out together to Tokyo, Japan! My brother was marrying his long-time girlfriend who is of Korean descent but who's whole family lives in Japan. I wasn't looking forward to it, as Asia has never been a dream destination of mine, but it went okay. A shit load of family drama, but we got to see a lot and also travelled to Kyoto, which was simply stunning. I'll be posting some pictures from that trip once i have some time to go through them and make them all pretty.

Then, on Sunday, my brother and his new wife had an official ceremony here in Winnipeg. It was beautiful. Japan was all stress and formality and not knowing what was happening at the last moment. Here, the wedding was filled only with close friends and family; the food was divine and the service was incredible. My brother and his wife really seemed to have relaxed during the whole evening and just ate and walked around to chat. It really was amazing, like a big family dinner we have here on the Holidays.

And that has been my last month and a half: my final show at school, packing up to move back here, driving across the country with my mom in 3 days, heading out to Japan, wedding #1, flying back home, wedding #2. I'm literally numb right now; happy to be enjoying my day of relaxation.

Anyways, I've let this journal go and I have said inumerable times that I plan on getting it going again. But, I actually have the time now. I'm unemployed (and going stir-crazy all reasdy) AND I'm having surgery on the 20th. My tonsils are coming out as they are HUGE, the doctor was actually taken aback by their size!

So, I have a full month of nothing, so I'm going to try and write, make jewellery, exercise and just relax until real life comes calling once more.

Stay tuned...

Well, I'm technically NOT in beauty school, but Jewellery Design. And I'm dropping out. I'm finishing up this year and heading back home. It's just not for me. I've learned a TON and the professors are amazing, but it's just not what I want to do. So I'm not putting out the HUGE amounts of money it takes to live here to graduate a program I despise when I all ready have an Art degree.

Anyways, we had out final project show on Thursday, it was opening night. It stays up for about 3 weeks so people and students can peruse it.

I did my display on Lizzie Borden, as I mentioned earlier in my journal. It came out pretty good, and I won an award for my display, which was a surprise and quite nice. I do love making sculpture NOT wearable jewellery which is why I'm leaving. BUT my teachers all know, and I can always change my mind and come back, as I'm doing all my final exams and such to keep that option open.

ANYWAYS, on with the pictures. I only have four, as the glare off the case once the display was up was horrible, so this is from before the show when I was putting the display together and splattering blood.

And no, I have no homicidal tendencies.




( On with the show... )

We were assigned our end of year project last week. We've known about it pretty much from day one, so it was finally interesting to learn about what the project actually entailed and all that.

I'd been brainstorming on it off and on for months (as everyone else was as well) just to keep my mind open to ideas and possible things to make.

For a wrap up, I'm in my first year in Jewellery Design and our final project is abig display. Now, it does NOT have to be jewellery; it can be sculptural in nature just made from percious metals or such. It's actually pretty cool, and if you DO make Jewellery items, it has to be based on a theme of the display, not just some nice simple silver bands. Like, you could make rings that are formed and look like sea creatures, along with an Octopus necklace, or something, and the display case could have coral and plants in it. Basically, we're being marked on creativity and being able to make a nice display with nice things in it.

I'm not a big Jewellery fan at the moment, which sounds odd, but I am LOVING wax casting more sculptural things into sterling silver. Yes, I know, very weird, but even casting rings and such is very fun. Wax casting is when you take a big chunk of wax and, basically, carve it. You could round it off to make a simple band, or carve a skull (which I just finished dowing for another project), etc. You then put it into plaster with a hole carved at the bottom, put it in a kiln, and the wax runs out the whole and melst away. So, you have a negative space left in the plaster (actually called Investment). You then take out this hot canister of plaster, pour molten metal into it and spin it around and around on the machine, so the silver runs up into the space where the wax used to be. TA DA! You then have a metal object that you originally made in wax. The beauty, is that you can carve extremely rounded and intricate objects without worrying about cutting or moulding the metal.

Ahem.

Anyways, I've decided on my final project and I'm pretty stoked. I'm going to do a display about Lizzie Borden. There is this fucked up Jump Rope rhyme that goes:

"Lizzie Borden took an ax
And gave her mother forty whacks,
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one."

Yup. So I'm going to make rooms of the house and then Lizze, her step-mom and her dad are going to be sculpted and made from silver! There will be blood and guts and gore and just incredible detail to the violence of it all...YAY! Lol. I've always been a bit gruesome when it comes to art and like to shock people more than anything. It'll be simple, and the furniture will be black/white with the rooms plainly done in black/white. And the blood will be blood-like. I haven't worked it all out yet, but I'll post everything as I go, and scan in the sketchs, etc., if anyone would be interested.

Yay.

I went to spend the night with a friend from class last week. She lives out in Squamish, BC., and it takes about an hour on the highway and then a small bus ride to get there. It isn't very large but the journey there is breathtaking. We stopped at a few places along the way to check out a HUGE waterfall and some scenic panoramic views. This place is beautiful and I wish I could put up with such an annoying commute as I would love to live out there.

Coming from the prairies, I really enjoy seeing mountains and the ocean. British Columbia is filled with both and it really offers such an unusual environment for me to see and experience. Hope you guys enjoy the pictures.




I mean, can you imagine driving through this everyday? I took about 70 pictures just from the drive up there. And no, no worries, I will not be showing all 70 of them!


( Nature's brilliance... )

I am FINALLY hooking up my printer. It was a semi-late Hannukah present from my Mom and I am only now taking it out of it's box. As, once again, I am fully cleaning and tidying up my room. It's gotten pretty icky in here, and a good vaccuum and tidy is very needed.

So, I'm finally going to be able to scan some of my doodle/drawings, which makes me pretty freaking happy for no reason in particular!

(currently installing the printer hardware...yay!)

This may take a while, but I'll try to scan some drawings and maybe post some pictures of my adventure to Squamish, BC. Too beautiful.

I've decided once more to try and change things up in my life. Again. As I alays do, roughly every three weeks!!! Gah. But, I figure wanting to change when needing to, is better than giving up all together and never wanting to ever again. Right? Please tell me that I am!

I'm gonna eat better, and I started exercising again today. I'm never going to be one of those lucky girls who can eat whatever they want and lose weight. Nor will I ever be necessarily thin. I never have in my life, and have always been curvacious, and recently, just plain big. BUT, I'm finally getting comfortable with myself at this age and now it's time to consciously try to just get healthier. Realistically, too. Sitting on my ass at school all day and then at home all night while still consuming food isn't going to get me anywhere at all. I'm also not going to starve myself, as I think I would just die instantly.

So, yeah.

Plus, I'm going to start journaling more. maybe not on here, but in one of the hundreds of empty journals I have. It's pathetic...they sit empty by my bed and taunt me all the time. Finally time to put pen to paper and start writing again!

Yup.
That's where my head is at right now.
Yay for me.... ?

visited 27 states (12%)
Create your own visited map of The World or try another Douwe Osinga project

I really have travelled quite a bit, and yet I've also been to the Canary Islands but they weren't even on that list of places! Lol. We were pretty much poor all the time when I was kid, and drove SHIT cars. But, my Mom made sure to save for trips. And my brother lived in London, England for three years, and travelling from there is significantly cheaper than from Canada.

So, I got bored and thought I would edit some of my shit pictures of my glorious puppies. They're not actually puppies, but still, I love them to bits and pieces and miss them incessantly.

Anyways, here are a few pictures. Hopefully you too find them adorable and lovely, and if not...well...go fuck yourself?

They are mostly recent ones, but a few are from a couple years back.
And one very special one from when they were actual puppies sleeping out at the cabin...*sigh*

( Let's see, shall we? )